Ok, so it's been 2 years since I've written a column. A lot has happened in my private and family life.I 've changed careers, we lost Rita's father, my mother had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery, my father retired, Stefanie turned sweet 16, Chris has been in little league for 2 years. Lots of stuff.

But, I am going to attempt to get back into the swing of things.

I've done a lot of traveling working for Yusen Air & Sea Service (USA), Inc.. Flying is not so bad. Although, I am upset with Delta Airlines about the way they served breakfast. I arrived at the airport at 6:30 for a flight to Atlanta. I'm standing around the gate wait for boarding, and I am remembering those nice hot little porcelain plates with the scrambled egg and sausage, garnished with a piece of orange and the mandatory little sprig of parsley. And what do I hear over the intercom?

"Good Morning. In a few minutes we will begin baording Flight 000 to Atlanta. First class passengers may board at this time. If you want breakfast... PLEASE TAKE A BROWN BAG FROM THE CART IN THE JETWAY!!!"

TAKE A BAG FROM THE JETWAY CART? Yes, friends, there will be no nice hot little porcelain plate with the scrambled egg and sausage, garnished with a piece of orange and the mandatory little sprig of parsley. No, there will not even be the smiling flight attendant offering me a little box with Dannon yogurt and a cold Blueberry muffin the size of a button. No, you're lucky we are even going to go up and down the aisle to serve you some instant coffee! And inside the bag: Yes, the muffin and the yogurt... and an apple! Happy Happy, Joy , Joy! $400+ for the airfare and they can't even serve a little cardboard box. Go figure.

Oh, I've also gotten 2 speeding tickets in the time I was out of contact. Why do they fine you and then add a surcharge? ARGGGHHHH: Aggravating.

OK, the last topic.. the one that's on everybody's lips (hmmm... bad choice of words) is the CLINTON-LEWINSKY mess.

My take is gonna be a little different... not for the weak hearted. So here's your opportunity to tune out; to change the station; turn the dial... If you have the heart, read on...

OK... here we go:

Sure, he didn't commit an impeachable offense by having an affair. Yeah it was in bad form to use the Oval Office. And it was morally wrong to make Hillary look bad. And to betray his marriage vows. And to be with Monica in a sexual way. But it was not impeachable.

Now... to the point. What kinda girl is Monica... using a cigar as a marital aid? I have no objection to a woman using a plastic or vinyl phallus to gratify herself. BUT A CIGAR?? There are all kinds of warnings that using chewing tobacco is dangerous. You still ingest nicotine and harmful chemicals. There are reports of men getting mouth cancer because of chewing tobacco. There are harmful side effects to snuff etc. But to ingest that bad stuff through her...er, her... uh, her... well you get the idea. What kinda nut is she? What kinda SLUT is she? That cigar was rolled by who knows who with probably very filthy hands. And I am sure that those tobacco leaves are not washed well before being rolled into a cigar. And besides... IT'S A FREAKING CIGAR!!!!

What a TRAMP! So while our President is Guilty As Charged... how can we blame him? He had a shot with a young babe who would satisfy him orally and dance and strip for him and give him a show like men usually never get at home.

But he is also gullible. He should have been able to tell.that she was not being discreet. And "not being discreet" is an understatement. If a girl sleeps with a guy, especially the Presient of the United States she might be giddy and tell a girlfriend, BUT OVER 8 HOURS OF CONVERSATIONS? And... they were taped by her "good friend" Linda Tripp! And being gullible is not good for a President of the United States! How can he judge the honesty of Arafat or Hussein or Khadafi if he can't tell he's been screwing a nut?

Seems to me that the president is guilty of being a bad judge of character. And so is Monica.

However... the impeachable offense is lying to a grand jury. A felony. Do you want a felon representing you to the world?

The issues are far more basic and simple than the feeding frenzy of the press makes them out to be. Or am I nuts?